Almost everyone has heard about problems with Windows Vista not allowing programs to run and rendering some peripherals completely useless. However, the new built-in security has a far more sinister side.
News is coming in of Windows Vista not allowing some [i]people[/i] to use the computer. Apparently, part of Vista's advanced security system stops access to Windows based solely on a person's religious beliefs, ethnicity or sexual preference.
Obviously some of this is wrapped up in the continuing fight against terror, with various ethnic groups unable to use the program for safety reasons. But Microsoft has also clearly been reached by the religious right, with Vista now designed to give a small electric shock to any homosexual user.
According to a Microsoft spokesman; "A computer is a weapon. We want to make sure that the enemy can't use it against us. This is also why your peripherals don't work. All of those games, computer screens and mp3 players that don't work with Vista are clearly evil."
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
George Bush to Pull Troops Out of Iraq and Find Peaceful Solution... April Fool
Leader of the free world, George Bush, has announced today that he intends to pull American and allied troops out of Iraq and look for a peaceful solution to the conflict.
However, as several nations rejoiced, Bush followed up his shock announcement with "April Fool!" and then giggled like a schoolgirl.
Bush sees this incredibly witty bit of deception as right up there with his 'Mission Accomplished' pun and his equally humorous 'We know the enemy has Weapons of Mass Destruction'.
While the press, the nation and the world looked on in horror Bush said, "What? Come on, that's hilarious. I am the hilariouser."
Bush insists that it's his sense of humour that makes him such a good leader.
"Without my sense of humour, I could be really unpopular."
A lot of people will die today in Iraq - not an April Fool.
- Tom Taylor
However, as several nations rejoiced, Bush followed up his shock announcement with "April Fool!" and then giggled like a schoolgirl.
Bush sees this incredibly witty bit of deception as right up there with his 'Mission Accomplished' pun and his equally humorous 'We know the enemy has Weapons of Mass Destruction'.
While the press, the nation and the world looked on in horror Bush said, "What? Come on, that's hilarious. I am the hilariouser."
Bush insists that it's his sense of humour that makes him such a good leader.
"Without my sense of humour, I could be really unpopular."
A lot of people will die today in Iraq - not an April Fool.
- Tom Taylor
David Hicks Escapes Guantanamo, Finally Heading Home to be Imprisoned
David Hicks, the Australian man held at Guantanamo Bay for five years without charge, where he was allegedly subjected to torture, is finally being released.
Hicks will return to his own country where, finally, the government that wouldn't fight for his rights for fear of upsetting America, can imprison him themselves.
Despite the fact that David Hicks has pleaded guilty to a crime that was invented after he was imprisoned, both the US and Australian governments are, stupidly, calling it a victory in the war on terror.
According to Australian Prime Minister, John Howard, "This is a great day for Australia. England had all of their citizens released years ago, after which it was found that they were all innocent of their charges. But fortunately, America has managed to create a crime to charge our citizen with. This means that he can come home and stare at Australian Prison Bars." He then added, "I love George Bush, I would have his babies."
Of course the government is probably hoping that Australian citizens will now forget about the whole thing and not look at the Guantanamo Bays of their own on various islands around Australia. On these islands many David Hicks' are held without charge, their crime; fleeing war and persecution and trying to enter Australia.
When asked about this, Howard replied "Free Candy for everyone who votes for me." He then handed the reporter a balloon.
- Tom Taylor
Hicks will return to his own country where, finally, the government that wouldn't fight for his rights for fear of upsetting America, can imprison him themselves.
Despite the fact that David Hicks has pleaded guilty to a crime that was invented after he was imprisoned, both the US and Australian governments are, stupidly, calling it a victory in the war on terror.
According to Australian Prime Minister, John Howard, "This is a great day for Australia. England had all of their citizens released years ago, after which it was found that they were all innocent of their charges. But fortunately, America has managed to create a crime to charge our citizen with. This means that he can come home and stare at Australian Prison Bars." He then added, "I love George Bush, I would have his babies."
Of course the government is probably hoping that Australian citizens will now forget about the whole thing and not look at the Guantanamo Bays of their own on various islands around Australia. On these islands many David Hicks' are held without charge, their crime; fleeing war and persecution and trying to enter Australia.
When asked about this, Howard replied "Free Candy for everyone who votes for me." He then handed the reporter a balloon.
- Tom Taylor
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